Twice, in the past two weeks, I've heard a message on the Lord's Prayer. (One pastor even went so far as to say "stop calling it the Lord's Prayer. Jesus would never pray asking God to forgive him of his sins--he doesn't have any!") Whenever I hear more than one message on the same point in such a short amount of time, I figure God's trying to tell me something. And I, being as slow and dimwitted as I am, need to be told more than once. Just sayin'. But here's the part I've really been struggling with:
"...Thy will be done..."
In all honesty, I've struggled with that most of my life. What if God's will isn't what I think will make me happy? My two biggest fears in this life are that God will either take one of my boys away from me, or take me away from them--leaving them to grow up fatherless like I did. So, I am terrified of God's will. I'm horrified that He may do one of those things to "teach me a lesson."
Wow. I probably need to work some on my view of God.
But this morning, on my way to work, I was having a conversation with God. And I once again verbalized these fears to Him. And He challenged my thinking with a question. He simply asked,
"Can you, by your own will, make your boys live to be old men? Can you will to live long enough to see your boys grow up?"
"No. I cannot," I replied.
"Then why are you afraid of surrendering to the will of the one being who can?"
It's true. The one being who, sheerly by His will, created an entire universe, who spoke life into existence, the one who willed me (and my boys) into existence is the only one who can will the things I hope for, pray for.
Yes, He's also the one who can will the things I fear. And I've still got some growing to do, before I can fully accept that God wants to give me the desires of my heart, (as long as they are in accordance with that will. Ugh! Beyond my comprehension!)
Perhaps a better question is, "If it's God's will to take my boys away--or me away from my boys--then is there really anything I can do to stop Him?"
No. There is not. So why not disclose those fears to Him? Why not surrender to His will, turning it all over to God, and pray that He hears those desires of my heart...to watch my boys grow into men?
A lot of things to work through still. But I figured I'm not the only one who struggles with this idea of surrendering to God's will. But in the end, I can't "out-will" God anyway.