A Fistfight with God

It's been a few years, but there was a point in my life when I challenged God to a fistfight. Can you imagine? What gall. What pride. What arrogance. But I was so angry at Him (for reasons I won't disclose here) that I challenged Him. "Show me your face," I said, "and I'll punch you in the nose." Well, I'm over it now. God, in His gracious and merciful way chose not to pummel me with something as simple as a breath, but instead chose to humble me. Heal me. Love me. What an amazing God. And I have found that my struggles now aren't so much with Him, as with myself. Oddly enough, I opened my Bible this morning and found a section of scripture from Romans that I can really relate to. Thought I'd share it.

For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man,

But I see another law in my members,

warring against the law of my mind,

and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin

which is in my members.

O wretched man that I am!

Who will deliver me from this body of death?

-Romans 7:22-24 (NKJV)

I think Paul and I must've had a lot in common. I wrestle daily with myself. But I take some solace in the very next verse he wrote:

I thank God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God

but with the flesh the law of sin.

I find comfort in knowing that, even though he struggled with sin, Paul's mind was on God. Paul's mind was on the one who conquered sin. And I pray that I'm able to keep my mind there too.

Where Art Thou, O' Peace?

Why do you think we can't always feel the peace of God? Is it like a good steak? If you had it everyday, you wouldn't appreciate it as much? Is God's peace like a New York Strip, perfectly seasoned? Maybe I don't want steak for every meal...but it would be nice to know I could go grab one when I do crave it. Why is it that when I really need that peace, I can't seem to find it? I'm sure I've done something to put myself so far away from it. I'm sure it's like running away from home and then wondering why you feel so lonely. But it sure would be nice if God's peace could find me, without me having to search for it. Or is it the fact that I'm searching that makes it elusive? Perhaps I'm supposed to be still. Perhaps the peace only comes when I'm no longer searching for it. Maybe it's like the lost car keys. Maybe I'm supposed to retrace my steps...try to remember where I last had it. Maybe it's in my coat pocket. I could've seriously used a little of that peace today. Today, I'm struggling. Today, I find it hard to breathe. Today, I find it hard to want to. Today, I'm uneasy. Anxious. Today, I'm disappointed. Today, I'm discouraged. Today, I hurt. Today, I'm craving that steak. And it would be nice if I could find my car keys...so I could go get one.