A Fistfight with God

It's been a few years, but there was a point in my life when I challenged God to a fistfight. Can you imagine? What gall. What pride. What arrogance. But I was so angry at Him (for reasons I won't disclose here) that I challenged Him. "Show me your face," I said, "and I'll punch you in the nose." Well, I'm over it now. God, in His gracious and merciful way chose not to pummel me with something as simple as a breath, but instead chose to humble me. Heal me. Love me. What an amazing God. And I have found that my struggles now aren't so much with Him, as with myself. Oddly enough, I opened my Bible this morning and found a section of scripture from Romans that I can really relate to. Thought I'd share it.

For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man,

But I see another law in my members,

warring against the law of my mind,

and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin

which is in my members.

O wretched man that I am!

Who will deliver me from this body of death?

-Romans 7:22-24 (NKJV)

I think Paul and I must've had a lot in common. I wrestle daily with myself. But I take some solace in the very next verse he wrote:

I thank God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God

but with the flesh the law of sin.

I find comfort in knowing that, even though he struggled with sin, Paul's mind was on God. Paul's mind was on the one who conquered sin. And I pray that I'm able to keep my mind there too.

The Truth

Dear friends, Today, I open up in a way I never have before on this blog. Today, a little brutal honesty: Truth is... I am struggling with a "thorn in my flesh" that has plagued me for a long time now. I don't want to go into details, but this is something I just haven't been able to overcome. And I'm tired of it. It's beating me up, affecting my home life, my job and my friendships (or lack thereof). Truth is... I am human...a soul wrapped up in a weak, fragile mass of bone, muscle, fat, nerves and tissues. But sometimes that weak shell is more powerful than me. And lately, it's winning this internal battle that I deal with. The spirit is willing...truly willing and aching to be whole. Truth is... I need transformation. I need healing. I need to muster up strength of will like I have never been able to before. I need to stop putting it off as "just something I'll always have to deal with." I need to overcome. Truth is... It's embarrassing to even have to ask for help. But I'm there. I'm broken to that point. I need your prayers.