Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Everybody's Doin' It!

My little baby boy, Morgan, is just past three months old now. This morning, as he and I were playing on his playmat in the living room, he let one rip. You know what I mean...he passed gas....he "has the vapors"..."broke wind"..."cut the cheese."

I chuckled a bit...and thought about how everyone giggles when he farts and how it just seems so cute coming out of his little body. But that got me to thinking: At what point do farts stop being cute...and start being something no one talks about? I mean...everyone farts. Everyone. Yes, your mother farts, your cute girlfriend farts, your dad farts all the time. Your brother farts the most. Your grandpa probably farts in his sleep. So...why does everyone pretend they don't? Why do people try to hide it when they do?

"He who smelt it...dealt it!"

When we're young, we play fart games. At least I did. At the Home where I grew up, my friends Doug Golibart and Bobby Kirby and I played the "Safety" game. If someone farted, they had to say "Safety" before another person said "Pokes." If they say "Pokes" first, they get to hit you...say, on the shoulder with their fist. There was one "free-fart zone"--the bathroom. You could fart all you want in there--no "safety" required.

That was all cool through high school...and I even took the game with me to college. Now, as an adult, no one talks about farts. I've heard stories of fiancees and newlyweds who will go way out of their way to make sure their partner never hears them fart...let alone smell it! Then, after a few years, couples tend to relax and they can fart around each other. My wife and I play the "safety" game at home now. But at way would she pass gas in front of me!'s no-holds barred. We even rate them. "That was a good one!" or "Oooooh...what did you eat?" etc. (She's gonna kill me for telling you that.)

"Silent But Deadly"

But go to a public place. Stand in line at the airport security check when someone slips one out...and see if that person is willing to say "That was me! I own that one! Sorry folks!" Or worst yet...on the plane, where there's no escape route! I sat next to someone in a movie once who I'm sure was responsible for the foul stench that was wafting through the air every ten minutes or so. Did he own up to it? Oh no! He didn't even ask me to pull his finger!

I wonder...what would it be like if you could see people's farts? What if, everytime you "blow the horn", a green fog came out of your rear? Even if it's "Silent But Deadly?" How would the world react to the green fog? Would we be so used to it that it would be just as much a part of everyday life as breathing, coughing or sneezing?

Spiritual Gas're probably wondering why I'm writing all this stuff about farts. What could possibly be the spiritual implication here? Well, I see farting kinda like sinning. Everybody's doin' it. Jesus could have just as easily said, "Let he who is without fart cast the first stone." Trust me, no stones would be flying in that case, either.

When we're young and naive, we make jokes about our sins. We flaunt them...heck maybe even grade them. But at some point, we notice our "nakedness" and we start trying to hide our sins. We don't want anyone to smell them. We don't want anyone to even know that we committed them. We'll go way out of our way to conceal them. Eventually, we'll expose our sins to those whom we trust the most. Our spouses are privvy to some of our sins...but still others are just too smelly to reveal to them!

I imagine that's why God allowed us to sin without it always being in public view. If every sin we committed created a "green fog", this would be one green, foggy world! But eventually, the smell does catch up to you. Eventually, someone's going to figure out where the stink is coming from. You can't escape the green fog. God sees every, sin. I guess the big difference is that we can choose not to sin. I'm not so sure that's the case with passing gas. Would we still choose to sin, if we had to walk around with the green fog trailing behind? Or would everyone get so used to the fog that we wouldn't even think twice about the sin?

What a different world this would be if we were all willing to own up to our sins publicly. Think about it. You're at the mall, when you suddenly hear:

"Lusting after that woman behind the counter there...that was me! Sorry everyone!"

Or a voice just a few cubicles down from you at work shouts:

"I just stole a stapler from the company!"

Or whatever it is. Regardless, the smell is already out there. We just aren't always sure where its coming from. But we all know one thing for sure. Everybody's doin' it.


Heather said...

Oh my Gosh...that is the cutest thing. A couple of weeks ago, I just spent the week with my best friend and her baby Ella who you will see on my blog if you go to it. She is 10 months old and it is so true and your illustration is so good.

Actually, it is just really nice to have another Christian on here. Love your music also.

Check out my blog sometime if you get a chance.

Andy said...

Excellent post, Tim. "Passing flatus" and sin, a comparaion I would never have thought of, but a really insightful and thought provoking one. I'll probably steal the idea for a message one day (or for the novel). One question though: Do you want me to credit you?

"Yeah. That one was Tim. Not me. I didn't do it. Tim--he did it."

Andy said...

Okay, this is killing me. Did I write that correctly? Which is right?

Tim--he did it.
Tim. He did it.
Tim: He did it.
Tim; he did it.

I'm thinking it should really be, "Tim, he did it," because he simply renames the subject, and that would normally be done with a comma. For example, "My wife, Maria, likes flowers." Of course that would lead me to, "Tim, he, did it," and that makes no sense!


So, alright, I could have written, "Tim did it." But that just lacks punch. Personally, I think, "Tim, he did it," reads more as though Tim is the person being spoken to, not spoken about. So, me first decision must surely be right. Right?

Eiyeeee! Do you go through these kinds of mental acrobatics over sentences, or is it just me?

Tim Glenn said...

Andy, I am rolling! Hilarious! And honestly...I don't know. I tend to go waaaaaay overboard with I would probably write:
"Tim...he did it."
That comes from years of writing for television, I suppose!

Regardless, it's a moot point. Yes, you may use this...and no, you don't have to credit me!

Thanks for reading...and commenting. (Dang...there I go with the ellipses again...dang!)

Andy said...

I wonder what the Morse code for an ellipsis is?

I checked with Shannon. She said it should be an em-dash. Apparently, my lazy shorthand "--" didn't qualify. I could have looked up the HTML tag for an em-dash, which I've done now (it's "—").

kddub said...

This is actually a really great comparison, and very funny as well! (I may link to you on this one)

I think people, including myself, start to actually believe that they have been being so "good" and without present sin, thinking it's okay to cast any stone. The funny thing, is that in itself is pride. This is a good comparison!

Tim Glenn said...

Hi Kristin!
Glad you liked this one! Thanks for sharing it with your friends. The post that is...ha!