Does God Understand This At All?

Today Morgan, my four year old, starts pre-school. And I'm feeling a bit...well, melancholy. For sure, I'm extremely proud of him. He's so smart. He knows the importance of "please" and "thank you." He and his little brother, Grayson, are my absolute pride and joy. I can't imagine life without them...nor do I want to. But like millions of parents before me and, for sure millions after, it's hard to see my baby boy grow up. A big part of me wants to keep him "cuddle-size"...where he fits just right in my lap and arms. I love that he still gives me kisses, hugs and runs into my arms when I get home from work each day. I fear those days are quickly fading. And pre-school, somehow, marks the beginning of the fade. And that got me thinking this morning, does God understand that at all? I wonder if an ageless, timeless, eternal God knows what it's like to wish his child would stay a child. Yes, He watched Jesus grow up but I don't know of any place in Scripture where it says God had a hard time when Jesus first strapped on a backpack and took a number two pencil to class. I don't recall God getting misty-eyed over our Lord's first day of high school. But I do remember this:

"I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins

and become like little children, you will never

enter the Kingdom of Heaven." --Matthew 18:3 (NIV)

God knows what happens as we get older and the world takes away some of the wonder. He knows how, with age, we start to lose that abandon that sends us running into His arms. So, while God may have never expressed His saddened heart over watching a child grow up, He definitely expressed his sorrow over his children losing their child-like faith.

Maybe that's another thing we have in common with our Maker. We all want our kids to stay "cuddle size."

Blessing #3: Morgan

At first, I thought I'd make blessing #3 be "being a daddy" but it goes deeper than that. Each of my boys are a blessing in and of themselves. So I will list them separately. I will never forget the day we found out that Morgan was going to be part of our lives. I had wanted to be a daddy for so long. And, after years of praying, God finally said, "Ok." But, as God often does with His blessings, He took it an extra step. Just being a daddy wasn't enough. He made me the daddy of the most amazing little boy! Jen and I have often joked that we don't remember what life was like before we had kids. And we're okay with that. The joy, the absolute pure joy that comes with parenthood is beyond words. There are days that I wish I could freeze time and keep him right where he is. But other days, I absolutely enjoy watching who he is becoming. Oddly enough, one of my favorite pictures of Morgan is before he was even born. I swear, in this ultrasound, it looks like he's singing into a microphone! Even today, music is such a big part of his life. Oh, how I love to listen to his sweet little voice as he sings at the top of his lungs. He makes up his own songs. He bangs on his guitar or his drum set. Music is such a big part of his life--even his bedtime routine requires singing. I love that! (And yes, I'll admit, I do love that he knows the words to daddy's songs and wants to hear them over and over again.) I call him "beautiful boy" and yes, it's because he's got this beautiful little face with big, bright, blue eyes and a smile that will melt your heart. But it's also because of the person he's becoming. He's such a sweet boy. He is giving, caring, nurturing--and such an encourager. I don't want to think of what my life would be like without the wrestling matches on the living room floor, the cuddles on the couch, the sing-a-longs and the hugs and kisses. The first time I heard him say "daddy" my heart melted...and it still does, every single time. I love being Morgan's daddy. I really do. If it's all my life was designed for, it has been more than fulfilling. I love you beautiful boy. How about you? Have you taken time lately to really count your blessings? Try it! You may realize just how blessed you really are!

Faded Fish

Last weekend, my 3-year old son and I had some father/son bonding time as we washed the cars together. First, we washed Jen's car. Morgan had a blast! He was scrubbing with the soapy rag, just grinning from ear to ear. Then, daddy brought out the water hose. His face lit up. His eyes widened. Oh my! "Daddy! Can I do it?" "Yes, beautiful boy. Here you go!" He was spraying water everywhere! Awesome. Just awesome. For some reason he was obsessed with the headlights on momma's car. He would run around and spray the rest of the car but he kept coming back to the headlights. They were sparkly clean by the time we were done, looking brand new! Then, we moved onto daddy's Jeep. Morgan LOVES daddy's Jeep. It's nothing too fancy. It's 11 years old, been around the block a time or two (nearly 100K miles.) I just bought it a few months ago and this is the first time that I really spent time cleaning it. It wasn't until we were finished when I noticed something on the front driver's side panel. A barely noticeable fade from one of those fish symbols. Someone had put it on the Jeep in the past, but it was long gone. I thought about that a lot over the past week. I wonder if my spiritual walk isn't like that sometimes. I wonder if the only obvious sign to others that I'm a Christian has become faded..barely noticeable. Honestly, I feel that way often. I feel like I sometimes take steps that are so far away from what I believe. Perhaps not intentionally. But I'll get preoccupied, distracted and the next thing I know, I've ventured off the path. A faded shadow of what I want to be. I am trying my best not to be a faded fish in this world. It's not always easy. And I won't make any promises. But just in case you're wondering, yes I love Jesus! And I believe in Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. I believe He was God incarnate. I believe He was crucified, dead and buried. And I believe He rose from the dead to save us all from eternal hell...if we'll only believe. And, I believe He's like my 3-year old son with a water hose. When God needed a salvation plan, Jesus said, "Daddy, can I do it?" I believe His salvation message is plenty for all, but for some reason He's intent on focusing on the individual. He wants a relationship. He wants to make sure that--like the headlights on momma's car--I am shiny, clean and looking new.

My Grandson!!!?

So, last night was father/son night for me and Morgan. We went to a local place called Li'l Biggs, which has a game room for kids and all you can eat greasy pizza. It's pretty inexpensive and there are a lot of games for kids to play. Morgan loved the giant sandbox, skeeball...and the giant jumper room. So, Morgan bounds out of the jumper room and picks up a toy guitar and pretends to start playing it. (He loves playing his toy guitar at home.) Only, I wasn't sure if the toy was part of the game room or if some kid brought it. So I turned to a lady, whom I would guess to be in her late 40's/early 50's and ask: "Is this part of the gameroom? Is he allowed to play with that?" "Yes, the kids can just pick up any of these toys and play with them," she answered with a smile. A cordial, quick conversation, right? Then she hits me with this: "So...how many grandchildren do you have?" What!!?? Did you just call me a grandfather? Heck, I know my age is catching up on me, but geez...grandpa!??? "This is my son," I answered, "and I have another one on the way...due next month." Then I abruptly turned my back to her and walked away. What the...? RUDE!

Looking Back on 2008

It's almost Christmas. I can't believe it. 2008 whirred by. My baby boy is turning into a rambunctious little boy....and my wife's belly has gotten bigger! Work has been crazy. My music career has been crazy. Do you know that I played over 40 gigs this year? AND kept a full-time job! And was still able to be daddy and husband. Whew! I'm exhausted! This past year has come with all kinds of ups and downs. Here are a few of the "ups":

• Morgan celebrated his first birthday in 2008. That was definitely an "up."
• He also started calling me "daddy." Oh...heart melt!
• We found out that Morgan is going to be a big brother! Huge "up!"
• I released my new album, So Human in 2008.
• My first single from the album, Open Up the Darkness, landed at #18 on the CRW Rock Charts. That's a good thing!
• I updated my website....with a whole new look and feel.

And, here are some of the "downs":

• We went through a "restructure" at work. My job changed quite a bit. And I've really been struggling with it. (But I'm very thankful to have a job!)
• This year, I really struggled with a problem that has bothered me for a long time. I wish I could say I've overcome it...but I haven't. I appreciate your prayers.
• I've had a couple of friends who desperately needed prayer for loved ones who were sick or hurting. But perhaps this should be an "up" because so many of you prayed and God was gracious in both cases.
• The economic slump sent millions of people into joblessness...and millions more wondering where their next meal was going to come from. The housing bubble burst and we are all feeling the effects.
• The year started with the Giants winning the SuperBowl. Ugh. No one hates the Giants more than I do. And this season hasn't been all rosy for us Cowboy fans either.

All in all, I guess it was a fairly typical year. Ups...downs. In betweens. I look forward to 2009. We have a new president. We have renewed opportunities to live out our faith for a hurting and dying world. In April, there will be another member of the Glenn family. I can't wait to hold our little baby boy! Yeah, 2009 looks to be pretty promising. And who knows, I might even record a few new songs!

It's a...

BOY! Yep! Went to the doc today for an ultrasound and found out we're having another little boy! Morgan is going to have a little brother! (He has no idea what that means yet, but he's very excited!--as are we!) Mom and baby are doing great. Everything looks to be progressing normally. Here are a couple of pics of our baby boy, whom we've dubbed "lil' bean."

What a cute little nose, huh? While we were watching him, he opened his mouth, put his hand up to his mouth...and then even got the hiccups.

And, I'm told that the arrow in the pic below is pointing to his little boy parts. (I know, it's not nice to point. And it's certainly not nice to show off your boy parts to the whole world...but, I'm making an exception on both counts--this time only!)

Jen and I would appreciate your prayers for a healthy pregnancy with no complications...a safe delivery and a healthy baby.

Due date is April 10th.

Sick Boy

The past few days, my little boy, Morgan, has been sick. Nothing too serious...but enough to make him cry out in pain from time to time.

I don't know about other dads, but it absolutely shreds my heart to see my little boy in pain. Oh, I hate not being able to take that away. When he looks at me like, "daddy, make it go away." Ugh.

I am very thankful for my job. It affords me much more than the opportunity to put food on the table (which is a much-appreciated accomplisment)...but it also allows me to provide medicine for when my little guy is sick. It allows me to know that he's safe at home with his mommy while I'm at my desk. And, since I work for such a wonderful ministry, it also allows me to help take care of children living in extreme poverty around the world--who can't afford medicines or food without our help.

Still, when my little guy is sick...I just wish I could stay home and hold him all day long. That beats a good day at work any day.

A New Way of Writing

I wish I could say I've been doing a lot of writing lately. I haven't. (Which is pretty obvious from my lack of regular posts here) But I want to write more...I really do. To make things even more frustrating, I've actually been coming up with more ideas to write about, than actually writing them. I have ideas for five books, three devotionals and a couple of video concepts. I just can't seem to sit down and find the time to flesh them out and put 'em down on paper--er, computer. But I have had time to do one thing: Make up songs for my little boy. Even before he was born, Morgan had some songs written for him. The first was simple. I would lean into my wife's belly and sing:

Morgan...beautiful boy. Morgan...it's your daddy!

Then, once he was born, I wrote this for him:

You're such a beautiful boy, baby Morgan.

Oh such a beautiful boy, baby Morgan.

And daddy loves you, yes he loves you

Oh he's always gonna love you

baby Morgan...baby Morgan.

And then I'd repeat it and change "daddy" with "mommy" and "he" with "she."

This past week, I wrote a new song for my little boy. I was rocking him to sleep at bedtime...when I came up with this lullabye:

Good night...baby

Good night...son

It's been a long day of playing,

but now the day is done.

Good night, sweet boy

Good night to you.

Lay your head down and close your eyes

May all your dreams come true.

So, it isn't exactly the type of "writing" that I normally do...but I'm having a blast doing it!

My Own Little Adam

My son, Morgan, is 15 months old now...and his personality is developing quickly. He's an absolute sweetheart. He loves to cuddle with the dog and cat...and his stuffed animals. When he sees Lucy, our dog, he'll say "Soosie!" (He's still working on the "L" sound.) and hug her while saying "oooooohhhh!" What can I say? He's just a cuddler. (And that just breaks my heart! :-P)

But lest you think my son is nothing but sweet...he knows how to throw a temper tantrum too. And lately, he's developed a bit of a defiant streak. For example:

He loves to play in the back yard. We have a really large back yard...plenty of room for him to run, etc. In fact, he loves to pretend he's "mowing" the yard.
And since daddy won't turn on the mower while Morgan is pushing it, (mean, mean daddy), Morgan has to make the mower sounds himself. But that's kinda fun too.

But there's one section of the yard that I'd rather he stay out of: the far back corner. There's a bit of a steep slope there, some rocks, small drainage pipes...and a wall made of railroad ties that aren't as stable as I'd like them to be. So I've made it very clear to him that he's supposed to stay away from that part of the yard. "

And the Lord God commanded the man, saying,

"Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat;

but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil

you shall not eat..."

So...we go outside...and he walks around in the grass...plays with the rocks for awhile. Then, he gets that defiant look. It's almost a devilish grin. He looks right at me, the corner of his mouth turns up...his bright blue eyes light up...and he turns and high-tails it for the far corner of the yard. "Morgan! Where are you going?"

Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to

him, "Where are you?"

Little stinker! Who says we're not born with a sin nature?

Guatemala

Hi gang! I'm off to Guatemala this weekend. I'll be gone through next weekend. This is a trip with Compassion International. We'll be working on a radio special while we're in country. The focus of this radio special will be to gather the perspectives of American youth on global poverty. So we're taking three 12-14 year olds with us to meet kids their age, living in abject poverty. We'll visit their homes and the Compassion projects where the kids go for food, fun, fellowship, shelter and after-school tutoring. While I'm in Guatemala, my wife and son are traveling to Kansas to be with her folks. Please pray for safe travel. As I've said before, I absolutely hate having to leave my son for this long. And now is such a crucial time in his development. He's 13 months old. Just starting to walk. Already saying a few words. But he's also at the point where he loves to have daddy hold him. And, as you can imagine, daddy loves that! So I'll miss that for a full week. Ugh. This is my second trip to Guatemala. I went back in December of '04. It will be great to see some of the Compassion staff that I befriended on my first trip. I'll probably write a post or two while I'm in Guatemala, just to let you know how things are going.

"Daddy"

It's the word I've waited years to hear. The word I thought I'd never hear. But last week, my little boy, Morgan, called me "daddy" for the first time. And my heart melted.

I tried, to no avail, to get "daddy" to be his first word, but "mommy" came out weeks sooner. Still, nothing can steal the sweetness of seeing his face light up and his little voice utter the word I have longed to hear for so long.

"Daddy." It's what I called my father so many years ago. A man I never really got a chance to know. He passed away at the age of 30. I was only 7. Still, I revere the man. He was raising five kids, with the help of his mother, after his wife (my mother) left us--never to be heard from again. What a man. What a father. I hope I can be half the daddy he was to me and my siblings. I wonder if he rejoiced at hearing me calling him "daddy" for the first time like I did with my son. I wonder if it broke his heart like mine is broken this week. Broken with absolute adoration and love for my son.

"Daddy."

Has a nice ring to it. And I couldn't be more proud.

I'll try to get it on video and share it with you here sometime in the near future.

P.S. On Friday, Morgan will turn 1! I'll have a few things to write about that, on Friday.

I Love To Hear the Sound....

Of my little boy laughing. Wednesday night, he was in a giggly mood while sitting in his high chair. Check it out:

Boys' Night

Last night was "boys night" at my house. My wife has started teaching a Wednesday evening class at a local community college, so Morgan and I had the run of the house. We had such a blast! We wrestled...chased each other around the living room (on hands and knees, of course)...climbed the stairs together--twice...and laughed so much I was sore!

He loves eating Cheerios and last night, as he was sitting in his high chair, I snatched one up. I stuck out my tongue and placed the Cheerio at the end of my tongue. He frowned, staring at my tongue, wondering what was going on. Then, in a flash, I retracted my tongue, slurping up the tiny round piece of oat cereal. He busted out a laugh that echoed through the house! We continued this routine for nearly 15 minutes. I could tell the laughter was exhausting him, but he just couldn't stop. He has the most amazing little laugh. I'll try to record it on video for you so you can hear sometime.

What's New (& What's Old) This New Year

It's 2008. Is it just me, or does that sound incredibly "space age?" I remember back in high school (in the ancient ole' 1980's) thinking, "I wonder if I'll live to see the year 2000?" 2000 was 8 years ago! Can you believe that? Remember the Y2K scare? Years ago!

Some things have changed in the past year...some have remained the same. Here are a few things from my life:

First and foremost, I became a daddy in 2007. The greatest title I've ever held. My son, Morgan Douglas Glenn was born on March 21st. What a blessing it has been this past year to experience a first Father's Day, Mother's Day, Morgan's first Thanksgiving (so much to be thankful for!) and Christmas. And oh...to watch him grow! He's 9 months old now...has seven teeth...is crawling all over the place.

I still have the same job...which, in this day and age, is a pretty good thing! I actually love my job. I'm the US Advocacy Director for Compassion International--a ministry I believe in whole-heartedly. Basically my job is to educate Christians in the US about the biblical mandate to care for children and the poor.

I visited the Philippines for the first time...and got to spend time with Jen Rina, the girl my family sponsors through Compassion International. She's a beautiful, shy young girl who does well in school, loves arts and crafts (and her dog) and who is very good about writing letters to let us know how her family is doing.

I'm still working on my new album, So Human. (Ha! I think I wrote that last New Years' Day too!) I promise, I really did make a lot of progress this year. All that's left is to re-cut a bass track on one song...and background vocals on five songs. I'm hoping to have the cd packaged and ready for you to listen to, by summer.

And, I took part in a new venture, called IndieDrive this past year. IndieDrive is a company that sells music albums on flash drives. They are focusing on independent artists like myself. The cool thing about it is, they let the artist decide what goes on the flash drive. So...my 1GB flash drive includes songs from my last album, New Pair of Shoes, some demo versions of songs from So Human, some never-before released acoustic songs (recorded live), some songs from my college band, Main Street, some downloadable photos, lyric sheets and a video. Yep. All that for $20! Check it out!

All in all, it's been a busy year. A productive year. Now that I think about it...a tiring year! Ha!

Welcome 2008! Hope your new year is a blessed one.

Six Months

This past Friday, my little baby boy Morgan turned six months old. I can't begin to believe it. Six months. I've been a daddy for six whole months. Before he was born, people would say, "Oh your life is about to change!" I had no idea. I thought they were talking about sleepless nights, diaper changing and fussy temper tantrums. Those things are all true, but I was expecting them. No, the change I wasn't expecting was the one that's taking place in me.

I never thought I could love anyone the way I love my son. I can't stand being away from him for any period of time. I absolute live for his smile...his giggle. I can't wait to hold him in my arms when I get home from work each day. Some days, I can't make it without calling home to hear how he's doing...or at least looking at pictures of him. I love his smell (well some of the smells aren't as pleasant as others!) I love how he recognizes me the second I walk through the door and greets me with a wide open-mouthed smile. I love how he examines my face with such a serious look when I'm holding him. I'm absolutely and totally in love.

And I don't think it ever hit me before just how difficult it must have been for God to give that up for me. Oh how He must have loved His son Jesus! To have a perfect son who touched so many lives...stayed pure, maintained righteousness, defended the poor and the needy. What dad wouldn't be proud? Yet, in the midst of all that love, God allowed His one and only son to be beaten, mocked, teased, tortured, abused, punished and ultimately murdered for me.

Not to offend anyone out there, but there is no one...no one on this planet I would give up my son for. I simply don't love anyone enough to make such a sacrifice. Yet God did it for me. And He did it for you too. That's amazing love. That's beyond comprehension. That's God being what only God can be.

I love being a daddy. I thank God for the miracle that has changed my life for the past six months. I look forward to the years of hugs, wet kisses, boo-boos, temper tantrums, dirty diapers, and sleepless nights to come.

Baby Morgan is Here!

Note: This blog originally posted on March 27, 2007. But somehow I lost all my blogs and am having to re-post them.

Let me tell you about the best day of my life. In actuality, I should say "the best 24-hour period of my life" because it spanned two days on the calendar. It began around noon on Tuesday, March 20th. My wife Jen, 39 weeks pregnant (typical pregnancies are based on a 40-week period, for those of you who don't know) started having contractions about every ten minutes. Well, we're not supposed to go to the hospital until the contractions are 3-5 minutes apart. So my poor wife had to endure the painful contractions at 10 minutes apart...for nearly 12 hours! It was exciting, because we knew this meant that baby Morgan was one day closer to being here. But it was frustrating when the contractions refused to get any closer...hour after hour...after hour. Finally, around 11pm, the contractions did start getting a little closer. 7 minutes...5 minutes...3 minutes. Once they were consistently 3 minutes apart, we headed to the hospital. The doctor checked us into a small room and put Jen on a monitor. "She's 3 centimeters dilated." she told us. (You can't have the baby til you're around 10 centimeters dilated. We still had a way to go.) So they continued to monitor Jen and the contractions kept coming...getting as close as 2 minutes apart. After about four more hours of this, the doctor checked Jen again. Still only 3 centimeters apart! All that painful work...and no progress! So the doctor decided to put Jen on pitosin--a drug that would increase the frequency--and intensity--of the contractions. After about an hour on the drug, Jen progressed to 4 centimeters. But the contractions had become terribly painful. So, we opted for the epidural--a painkiller administered into the spine that pretty much takes away all feeling from your waist down. It was a scary decision, but once it was administered, Jen never felt another contraction. But it wasn't over yet. After another hour, the doctor noticed that baby Morgan's heart rate was decreasing every time Jen had an intense contraction. They tried having her roll over to the opposite side she was lying on...but that didn't work. So they monitored closely. His heart rate kept dipping...dipping...dangerously low. We both began to worry. I sent out nearly two dozen text messages, asking friends to pray. And I prayed myself.

"Please God, don't let us get this close and lose this little boy. I can't take it. My heart can't take it. Please bring him to us safely...bring us a healthy baby boy."

After a couple more dips in heart rate, the doctor decided to take Jen off the pitosin and schedule a c-section. With lightning speed, the nurses were in our room, wheeling Jen's bed out the door, down the hallway and up a ramp into the operating room. They gave me a mask, gown, hat and shoe coverings to wear. It was amazing seeing the doctors scramble so fast--like watching a hospital drama. Within minutes, Jen was laid out on the table. A blue sheet was laid out like a curtain between her and the doctors, so she couldn't watch the operation. I, on the other hand, was able to watch. I've sat in on a few operations in my life, so I knew I could handle the sight. (I gotta say though, knowing that it's your wife that they're cutting open is a little different.) The doctors made the incision, then started cutting through muscle and tissue. Suddenly, the doctor stopped cutting and reached both of her hands inside of my wife's abdomen. She dug around for a few seconds, then pulled her hands out and they were holding a little baby's head. He has dark hair! They clipped the umbilical cord and suctioned out his mouth and noise within a milisecond. Then it came...that sound I've waited so many years to hear:

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!" Oh, what a beautiful sound!

"Who has the dimpled chin?" the doctor asked.

"Dimpled chin?"

"Yeah, he's got a dimpled chin."

"My dad had one. But I didn't really inherit it. Wow...he's got my dad's chin. How cool is that?"

He cried as they scrambled his little body over to a warmer a few feet away...and started cleaning him up. Tears filled my eyes. "That's my son! Oh...and he's beautiful!" My poor wife had to lay there behind the blue curtain, still unable to see anything. So, once they got him cleaned up, I carried our son over to her and let her touch his face. The waterworks were flowing for both of us at that point, I tell ya! They had to sew Jen up and then she had to go into recovery from the operation. That took three hours. Three hours without getting to hold her newborn son. It must have been excruciating for her. But I spent every second of those hours with him...as he took his first bath...got his vaccinations...tested for every imaginable abnormality...and weighed him. "Five pounds...3 and a half ounces. He's a little peanut." nurse Libby said. "18 inches long. What a cute little guy." Yep, he's a tiny guy....but absolutely adorable. Once all the tests were done, I sat in a rocking chair with him for an hour...and we just stared at each other. "Morgan...I'm your daddy." It was the same sentence I started with every night, as I spoke to him through my wife's belly during her pregnancy. Now, I finally get to see the face of the little boy I was addressing...and he could see where the voice was coming from. It was an amazing time of bonding. I truly have fallen in love. I've wanted to be a daddy for so long and now God has granted me this wish...this little blessing that is the result of years of prayers. It is amazing. The most wonderful day of my life. Welcome to our world, little Morgan Douglas Glenn. We've waited a long time for you.

For more information on Tim Glenn, go to www.timglennmusic.com

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