Wednesday, November 21, 2007
It was just a few short years ago. I was shoveling two tons of rock in my back yard. The July heat was unbearable...but I could see the clouds coming over the mountains a few miles away. I was rushing to get the rock into the right area of the yard before the rains came. I didn't make it. The dark clouds moved fast...first a few drops...then a drizzle. Then, the lightning. I raised my shovel into the air, tempting the electric bolts to find my makeshift lightning rod. "You want me?" I shouted to the sky. "Come and get me!" The neighbors must've thought I was mad. And I was. I had been dealing with a lot that year...my job as a television news anchor was no longer enjoyable. I was struggling with the idea that here I was, in my late 30's, and had no idea what I was supposed to do with my life. And most importantly, I was bitter. I was angry because for years I had asked God to make me a father. Give me a child I could hold in my arms...love like only a father can. But He had not answered my prayers. The night before, I was at the neighborhood Target store, combing through the sale rack of the Men's section, when I heard a sweet child's voice behind me. "I'm lost" she said through her curly blonde locks that dangled in front of her huge brown eyes. Her chubby cheeks did their best to hide the sad hint of a cry on her little rosy lips. She was as beautiful as a 6-year old girl could be. I knelt down in front of her...and assured her that I would help her find her mommy. I lifted the girl up and carried her on my hip over to the customer service area. She completely trusted me to help her. And she felt so natural in my arms. A couple of minutes after we arrived at the service desk, a very nervous mother came rushing to the counter, relieved to see her sweet daughter. It was the final straw for me. "How cruel," I thought, 'God must be...to not answer my prayer, but bring that beautiful young girl into my life...to hold for only a brief minute or two." And that is what brought me to this rainy July day in my backyard. Angry at God. Challenging my maker to meet me face to face there among the two tons of pink granite. This Thanksgiving I am thankful for a God who does not give me what I deserve. And who, on March 21st of this year, did give me what I had prayed for, for so many years...my beautiful baby boy Morgan. I can't imagine life without him now. He is truly an answer to prayer...many tearful prayers. Being a father brings me more joy than I ever imagined possible. Thank you, God...you are good beyond anything I could ever deserve. You are forgiving beyond what I can possibly comprehend. Your grace is more than sufficient...it is overwhelming.