Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Thankful

It was just a few short years ago. I was shoveling two tons of rock in my back yard. The July heat was unbearable...but I could see the clouds coming over the mountains a few miles away. I was rushing to get the rock into the right area of the yard before the rains came. I didn't make it. The dark clouds moved fast...first a few drops...then a drizzle. Then, the lightning. I raised my shovel into the air, tempting the electric bolts to find my makeshift lightning rod. "You want me?" I shouted to the sky. "Come and get me!" The neighbors must've thought I was mad. And I was. I had been dealing with a lot that year...my job as a television news anchor was no longer enjoyable. I was struggling with the idea that here I was, in my late 30's, and had no idea what I was supposed to do with my life. And most importantly, I was bitter. I was angry because for years I had asked God to make me a father. Give me a child I could hold in my arms...love like only a father can. But He had not answered my prayers. The night before, I was at the neighborhood Target store, combing through the sale rack of the Men's section, when I heard a sweet child's voice behind me. "I'm lost" she said through her curly blonde locks that dangled in front of her huge brown eyes. Her chubby cheeks did their best to hide the sad hint of a cry on her little rosy lips. She was as beautiful as a 6-year old girl could be. I knelt down in front of her...and assured her that I would help her find her mommy. I lifted the girl up and carried her on my hip over to the customer service area. She completely trusted me to help her. And she felt so natural in my arms. A couple of minutes after we arrived at the service desk, a very nervous mother came rushing to the counter, relieved to see her sweet daughter. It was the final straw for me. "How cruel," I thought, 'God must be...to not answer my prayer, but bring that beautiful young girl into my life...to hold for only a brief minute or two." And that is what brought me to this rainy July day in my backyard. Angry at God. Challenging my maker to meet me face to face there among the two tons of pink granite. This Thanksgiving I am thankful for a God who does not give me what I deserve. And who, on March 21st of this year, did give me what I had prayed for, for so many years...my beautiful baby boy Morgan. I can't imagine life without him now. He is truly an answer to prayer...many tearful prayers. Being a father brings me more joy than I ever imagined possible. Thank you, God...you are good beyond anything I could ever deserve. You are forgiving beyond what I can possibly comprehend. Your grace is more than sufficient...it is overwhelming.

3 comments:

Charles said...

Tim. This Charles Chapman and I am here with Guy Gober and he told me about your site. Guy came down to visit and we are doing some catching up. Let us hear from you sometime. My email is charles@graygraphics.com and I would really like to hear what all that you have been up to. Looks interesting so far. Seeya! -C

Jezla said...

Tim, that's a great post. It reminds me of the line from the movie Rudy. "Praying is something we do in our time; the answers come in God's time."

What amazes me is how the answers to our most fervent prayers seems to come after our own strength is exhausted, and we can marvel in the strength and power of Our Lord.

When my son was diagnosed with his brain tumor, one of the side effects of it was that it caused him to start puberty. He was only seven at the time, so we had to get him on a terribly expensive medication to arrest the puberty until he turned the proper age. The problem was that I couldn't find a way for the insurance to cover the medicine. We couldn't order it through a pharmacy because the prescription plan wouldn't cover injectables (he receives a shot every 28 days), and we couldn't find a doctor's office that could or would order it. After a few months of this, I finally broke down and prayed, turning the whole mess over to God, and admitted that I couldn't do it. I was literally at the end of my rope.

The next morning, it came to me to start from the beginning; so I called our pediatrician's office and asked if they could order this drug so our medical plan would cover it. They did! Just like that! Praise God!

I heard a sermon on the radio once by James MacDonald - he was talking about the 23rd Psalm - and he said that the Lord delights in brokenness, because that's when he reveals his strength. I understand what he means, because at that time in my life, I was truly broken, and needed his strength.

Tim Glenn said...

Jezla,

I have spent a lot of time in brokenness...I know exactly what you mean. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that...but so glad that God saw you through it. You're truly blessed!